Monday Musings

As I sit here rebuking the cold I feel coming on, I find myself thinking about the past year. It's been a time of great growth and great sorrow. I learned more about myself through the trial and tribulations that I went through than I would have otherwise. For that reason, I am glad for the fire.

Even so, my heart is heavy. Laden with a plethora of emotions, it carries them all for I am loathe to discard anything my heart has picked up for fear I may need it later. Thus, I come to an all too familiar problem. Love is ever the harder path to take because the essence of love is sacrifice. And with all the love I have felt for all the people I've encountered over the past year, I find myself more than a little tired. Hate is easy; apathy is simple. But to love requires effort, and the purer the love, the more of yourself it takes. For Love says "I choose you first, above myself." How many times have I had to say that over the year? Loves and lovers, sisters and siblings, mother and father. And just when I feel as though I have nothing more to give, I am broken once more. I am forced to face the worst and best of myself in those moments. Shall I run from my God-given obligations or shall I submit and leave Self behind me as I press forward?

Would I have changed a thing? No, I don't believe so. I have known more love in all its different forms in the past year than some people may ever know in a lifetime. I consider myself blessed, wiser for the experience and sadder for what I feel was lost. However, whatever was lost shall be returned sevenfold. I gladly offer all of the pain and tears as my reasonable sacrifice for the One who loved me first. Am I happy? I wonder sometimes. But I can confidently say that I am filled with joy and peace, a peace that cannot be bought and a joy that should not be contained. The Spirit that lives within me ever tends to my heart, and thus I go from glory to glory, becoming that which I am destined to be.